There are three types of employees when it comes to attendance and you must first assess which of the three types you are before deciding on an excuse to lay out of work. They are:
This type employee never misses or, if they do, it is either a case of being terribly ill or a dire family emergency. They receive outstanding job evaluations.
This type employee has missed days here and there, but not with such frequency that the employer suspects them of laying out of work. They receive average or above average job evaluations.
This type employee misses a lot of work and is usually unreliable in other ways when on duty at work. They receive poor job evaluations.
If you fall in the third category of unreliable do not fret too much over what excuse you give when you call in to work. Your boss is not going to believe you anyway and has probably been waiting for a golden opportunity to fire you.
If you fall in the first category of highly dependable, congratulations! You are a great asset to your company. Your boss is not going to suspect you of laying out of work should you get up one morning so tired you just cannot bring yourself to leave the house. Any simple excuse you come up with is plausible, such as you have diarrhea and vomiting. Nobody at the workplace wants that so you can rest assured they will be more than glad for you to stay at home with their blessings.
Do not elaborate when you call in. Do not say you think it might be something you ate or make any such statement. Do not tell your supervisor you will be in the next day. That is a sure fire giveaway you are not telling the truth. Simply state you have a bad case of diarrhea and vomiting and cannot come in to work. Your employer will be very sympathetic.
If you fall into the middle category of fairly dependable, you might occasionally get away with laying out of work but not if you make it a habit. You will quickly slide to the third category and eventually out the door.
The fairly dependable employee needs to use simple excuses. Never give an excuse that can be verified and found to be a lie! Always make the call in to work brief as possible and do not elaborate on details. Some good simple excuses are:
You can state that you have had a severe headache half of the night and had to take some potent medication to try to get rid of it. State that you are not able to drive while taking the medication and still have the headache and need another dose of medicine.
VOMITING AND DIARRHEA
No one at work wants vomiting and diarrhea. They will tell you to stay home. Keep the call brief and do not elaborate.
CHILD IS SICK
You can state your child is sick and you have no one to watch it. Of course, you cannot use this excuse if you do not have children.
BROKEN WATER LINE
You can state you have found your basement flooded, provided you own a house, and that you have a mess on your hands and need to get someone out to the house to repair the damage immediately. Anyone would expect this to be an all day nightmare preventing you from coming in to work.
OUT OF TOWN DEATH IN THE FAMILY
They are not going to be able to verify that one and will be very sympathetic. Use only if you intend to lay out of work two days or more and do not be seen in public those days!
The more elaborate an excuse you try to come up with the less believable it is. Do not use a toothache or any illness which they would expect you to immediately seek treatment for. They will be expecting a doctor's excuse when you return if you do.
If you use a medical emergency with a house pet they will expect you to come on in to work as soon as you have had the animal to the vet and back home. The same goes for a medical emergency with an elderly parent usually. They are going to expect you in later in the day after you have taken the parent to the doctor.
The best policy is not to lay out of work to begin with. When you just cannot control the urge, play it smart and keep it simple and believable.